Musings for a gray day

Another blogger recently made a post listing things that made her feel happy. Today seems like a good day to focus on the positives, so I'm making a list too (I did a mini version of this recently, but today is a good day to do it again). In no particular order, here goes:


1. Art that suspend my ability to speak coherently. I love when I'm confronted with something, be it a performance, something hanging from the wall, etc, that makes me stop and just bask for at least a moment in whatever it is. Its comforting to know that I can still experience that moment of Barthes' punctum. May that never go away.

2. Random moments with good friends. This week so far I have: gone walking in unexpected locations, dug through leaves, ate in a mom-n-pop diner, laughed at poor O'Keefe impersonators (re: orange and green vaginas), laughed about castration during international phone calls, got all gussied up for a night on the town, drank champagne while eating boxed mac-n-cheese and more. Even when my world gets rocked and all I want to do is lay in bed, I have people who not only get me out, but make me smile.

3. My YouTube debut. Ok, this is slightly ridiculous, but being in an 8 second video featuring a quick bout of relatively innocent flirtation with an attractive Italian man makes me smile. And hit the 'play again' button.

4. Cupcakes. I don't quite no how to put my finger on this, but there is something about a cupcake shop that makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Perhaps its the sugar particles swimming through the air as I drink in my tea and eavesdrop, or maybe its all the content faces biting into a thick layer of icing. Either way, its nice being here right now.

5. Hard times. This is something I'm coming to terms with. In the long run I know that these rough periods are unbelievably important and ultimately beneficial. The hurt and confusion going on right now is only going to make things better. I may not be loving it in the moment, but I'm working towards trusting that all will be amazing.

6. Toasts. The longer the better - preferably made with good friends and involving alternatively silly and meaningful content. I've made a couple so far this week and am looking forward to doing at least a few more over the weekend.

7. New opportunities. Sometimes I don't always recognize one when its right in front of me, but in my youth I can't help but feel like there are new chances, beginnings, etc just waiting for me. I can't wait to see where I am come December.


So this is a quick list and many things are left off, but suffice to say that I'm a lucky girl.

Something blue

I want to talk about pretension.

This weekend there was a lot of chatter about that term around the theater. It seemed like it got tossed around a fair amount when people were talking about the performance that happened. While everyone is surely entitled to their opinion, what I find disturbing about its usgae over the weekend is that it was rarely followed by an explanation. Mostly what followed that declaration was further indignance at the show.

From google.com, here are a couple quick definitions of the word:

making claim to or creating an appearance of (often undeserved) importance or
distinction; "a pretentious country house"; "a pretentious fraud ...
ostentatious: intended to attract notice and impress others; "an
ostentatious sable coat"
ostentatious: of a display that is tawdry or vulgar

These are fair and if that's how folks react to something, fine. I would think, however, that if someone thought of something (a performance, a painting, a person, etc) as being any of those things, they would be able to explain their reaction. But why doesn't that happen? My first instinct is that its a combination of laziness and indignance. They are not willing to consider the object any more than what they have only immediately experienced. To think through it would not be worth their time.

I also wonder if there is a fear that after thinking about the object, considering it in a new way, they might find that they think of it as something else. Its pretty widely accepted that first impressions may not be correct and that getting to know something further can change that initial reaction. To use the performance as an example, I'm still mentally approaching the show from different angles. My opinion of this show, my thoughts on it, emotions around it, all will continue to grow and change as I gain more experience and look back at it from different perspectives. Maybe they'll allow their opinion to change similarily, but if they don't, why? Is it fear of having to retract their statement? Pride?

Regardless, I think its interesting to hear people react that way. I have to quell an immediate urge to question them about their feelings and explore why they have come to that conclusion.

Also, about the performance (quickly, since its late) - it was like having my constitution shaken. The postshow high was as if all the creeping haze, oozing silicone, steamed perfume and carmelized lipstick had invaded my head. Seriously, my brain felt like it was floating in that odd combination of substances. Trying to work after the show was difficult and driving away from the theater and the world constructed by the company was even harder.

[Images from Societas Raffaello Sanzio and gif composed by my talented coworkers. Right now I want to crawl into that silicon goo and hibernate through the rest of this dark winter.]